Waiter, this isn't the soup I ordered...
My very wise, experienced and occasionally goofy yoga teacher Jeanne Heileman recently posted the following quote as her Facebook status:
When life sends you things that are not what you planned - surrender. Again and again and again. And again. The difficulty is your gift and teacher. Joy is through the difficulty, not around it. - just saying, and practicing.
Me, too. Life has sent me not what I wanted, but what I needed over and over. And over again. She is so very right, the joy has been in the difficulty. So has fulfillment, wonder, surprise, excitement, and a sense of "I can't believe I just did that!".
I'm going to back track just for a moment to help you understand the present "I didn't get what I wanted" situation and why I am thrilled, relieved, and excited about what is going to happen in 2012. 2007: Want - to obtain an elementary school teaching job on the Central Coast. Needed and got - to open my own yoga studio in Atascadero! 2009: Want - to have a thriving, vibrant one room traditional yoga studio modeled after what I was used to and comfortable with from my experiences in Southern California. Needed and got - to create a completely new form of yoga experience, Yoga Flirt!
Yoga Flirt has been an incredible experience, I have done things I never expected both physically and emotionally. And this blog would go waaaaaay off topic if I got into that here, but trust me I agree more than 100% with Jeanne, the joy has been through the difficulty.
2011: Want - to expand Yoga Flirt into Southern California. We were so delighted that one of our staff members agreed to move and help us open and run a location in Pasadena. We (Happy Hubby and I) began in earnest to find a fabulous studio in August. And we did! And then that spot fell through. We weren't worried, we knew that it just meant we were being guided to the perfect location. Which we found shortly thereafter. Our intention was to be open in late October or early November for the Fall Session.
And then, life sent us not what we wanted as we couldn't reach an agreement on the lease. So, we knew that meant we were going to open for the New Year session and found an amazing space that would be built out exactly how we wanted.
We met road blocks and couldn't agree on the lease.
By mid-Novemeber I was completely a mess. Frustrated. Unsure what to do next. Crying. Lost. And being given the opportunity to practice surrender.
Not that I wanted to even a little bit.
My above mentioned awesome yoga teacher was in Europe at the time and she was teaching a really fabulous workshop for yoga teachers there. It sounded like something I wanted to learn, so I asked if she would be offering the same classes when she returned to Los Angeles. Her response was that she teaches those concepts during the Yoga Works 300 Hour Professional Yoga Teacher Training* and that she was taking apprentices beginning in Feb. 2012.
It was a Monday afternoon when I read that. Immediately my heart cried out, "Pick me! Pick me!"
That was not the soup I ordered. I didn't even know I wanted that kind of soup. I wanted more of what I know I like, a Yoga Flirt studio. Didn't I?
When Hubby got home around 6 that night, we had a long, thoughtful conversation. And really, the decision had been made the moment my heart sang.
On Tuesday I filled out the application and on Wednesday I was accepted into the program!
2011/2012: Need and get - to put opening Yoga Flirt in Southern California on hold while I complete my 300 hour training, which lasts 6 months.
Surprisingly, I feel relieved. Life has given me not what I wanted, but what I need. Again.
I absolutely know without any doubt what so ever that this training is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing and that excites and thrills me to no end. And yes, there will be difficulty. The training is in Los Angeles, 4 hours away, several days a week. I still have no idea where I'm going to stay. I know there will be plenty of work and study added to my already full schedule of running Yoga Flirt. And I'm a little bit scared, right now so much of what is actually going to happen is unknown. Which gives me the opportunity to practice surrender. Slowly, I'm getting better at it.
I also know that by surrendering to not what I want but what I need will only have glorious results. If Yoga Flirt is the result of me surrendering to not getting a school teaching job, what even more amazing, incredible, life changing goodies will come in 2012 and beyond??
*The minimum training required to teach yoga is 200 hours, which I completed in 2006. The 300 hour program is the next "level" of training, for those who are pursing teaching yoga as a career. Which, by the way, I never planned on. Again with life sending me what I need!